Keep Kissing…Art of honesty

imagesProverbs says as we have discovered “An Honest answer is like a Kiss on the lips – Kiss of friendship” – this is our continued thinking into the art of using your lips…

Be gentle. Proverbs 15:1 contrasts the results of different approaches to honesty. A “harsh word [one lacking tact, kindness, and sensitivity] stirs up anger.” Anger can lead to a rejection. A “gentle answer [characterised by preparation, wisdom, and care] turns away wrath.” Gentleness can remove the barrier to honesty.

Since many of our relationships are not accustomed to the light of honesty, we need to move carefully and slowly. Because the truth does hurt, it only makes sense to handle it with care.

Be appropriate. Timing is crucial with the truth. If you need to confront your spouse, stay away from the loaded minutes when you first get home at the end of the day. A truthful conversation should be held in a private and quiet place.

Communication that holds potential for discomfort needs time and space. Don’t hurry. Don’t dole out a healthy portion of honesty on your way out the door in the morning. Don’t offer up a truth bomb as the last thing before you close your eyes for sleep and then defend your lack of discretion with, “I’m just being honest!”

Proverbs 25:11 compares “a word aptly spoken” to fine gems that have been set into gold and silver jewellery. That word of honesty will be true no matter where and when you share it. Put it in the right setting, and the result can be beautiful. Proverbs 15:23 says, “A man finds joy in giving an apt reply—and how good is a timely word!”

Build an environment of trust. Truth comes as a shock within a relationship where the norm has been denial. The resulting fallout may be devastating. Work on creating an atmosphere of acceptance and grace.

This is especially true when dealing with children. A parent who uses the truth like a sledgehammer, inflicting pain without grace, is an abuser.

Simon Cowell-type criticism without the safety produced by grace and love is rude, obnoxious, and malignant. It has no redeeming value. But, in a family where love is the main course on a consistent basis, a side dish of critique can be offered without fear of harm.

The honesty equation goes something like this: More honesty brings more intimacy—and more intimacy brings more honesty.

When you are in a friendship that is new or tentative, don’t unload truth all at once.

Set the stage for greater vulnerability later by sharing only a little now.

Perhaps Peter didn’t walk out on Jesus when Jesus called him “Satan” because by that point in their relationship, Peter knew that Jesus loved him. Did it hurt? Sure! But Peter trusted the giver of such forceful truth.

“In our desire to be an inspiration to one another we often veil what is true, because what is true is not always inspirational. But hurting believers whose lives are in tatters often need real help. If we were able to put aside our need for approval long enough to be authentic, then, surely, we would be living as the church.” Taken form Sheila Walsh book

Unpleasant truth is sometimes necessary. But our truth-telling needn’t be a slap in the face. Rather, it can be as gentle as a kiss that honours our relationships, demonstrates love, and confers value.

Learn the art of Kissing…. Truth telling….

Carry On Kissing….

imagesAn Honest answer is like a Kiss on the lips – Kiss of friendship

We continue on our journey into honest kisses, a follow though of a blog recently called Kissing honestly – a Kingdom of God reality, I trust you enjoy

A kiss expresses love.

If I love someone, I will tell them the truth.

Love “rejoices with the truth.” When my wife leans over to me and whispers, “You need a mint,” I do not take offence. I get a mint. She has acted out of love; she has shown that she cares.   When some one passes by and say that was out of book, unkind, angry or what ever quietly, remember it is out of love.

Even when it hurts, honesty is the loving approach. In his letter to the Galatians, the Apostle Paul’s honesty is blunt and courageous. He refers to the Galatians as foolish (3:1 ), but he also uses terms of familial endearment: brothers (3:15 , 4:28 ), my dear children (4:19 ).

Paul’s honesty flowed from his love for these Christians.

My dear children, for whom I am again in the pains of childbirth until Christ is formed in you, how I wish I could be with you now and change my tone, because I am perplexed about you!

Gal. 4:19-20

 “Perfect love drives out fear” (1 Jn. 4:18 ). When we choose love over our fear of disapproval or rejection, we cast a vote favouring intimacy and opposing shallow relationships. Bob responded graciously to my honesty and began to take appropriate action. Our friendship grew and deepened. If I ever need a wake-up call, I hope that he will risk honesty for me. That’s what love does.

A kiss shows value.

One of the reasons we are prone to lies or even not taking on the truth, is that we want to protect the self-image and egos of the people in our care. We abdicate the truth-telling to someone who is not so close, not so intimately responsible, not so bound up in the future of our loved one—let him say what needs to be said.

But should the truth come from someone who doesn’t give a whit? No, it shouldn’t.

The person we kiss is a person who is precious to us.

When we choose to tell the truth, we communicate how much we value that person.

We don’t want to hurt them, but it would hurt more if they were to progress down a path of denial and pain.

We will rescue what we value when we are honest. That’s why Prov. 27:6 says, “Wounds from a friend can be trusted.”

When we value a person, we will risk the truth.

Truth is coming….

This doesn’t mean we rush into who cares ways of telling the truth, we look at each person and situation and make a decision on how to approach it.   Through life’s experience we take note and learn the art program of “speaking the truth in love” (Eph. 4:15 ), care is needed.

An effective kiss needs to be gentle.

Honour is not bestowed by a rough, painful kiss. A kiss needs to be appropriate. An ill-timed, embarrassing kiss does not communicate love. And a kiss needs to be nestled in trust. An atmosphere of trust must be fostered before a kiss confers value. The same three guidelines apply to honesty.  Which we will look at next time

Next time along with this let us look at the Art of Honesty…

 

One…You have been invested into

images“For this was the very end and purpose of His Incarnation, that our human nature might in His Person obtain and receive whatever it could not otherwise have obtained, and that we might be partakers both of the same nature and of the same blessings within Him…  It was necessary, therefore, that God and man should be personally united, in order that human nature might be invested with power and exalted to glory” The Orations of St. Athanasius Against the Arians