Author: 'face2face' - Gareth Duffty

Keep Kissing…Art of honesty

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imagesProverbs says as we have discovered “An Honest answer is like a Kiss on the lips – Kiss of friendship” – this is our continued thinking into the art of using your lips…

Be gentle. Proverbs 15:1 contrasts the results of different approaches to honesty. A “harsh word [one lacking tact, kindness, and sensitivity] stirs up anger.” Anger can lead to a rejection. A “gentle answer [characterised by preparation, wisdom, and care] turns away wrath.” Gentleness can remove the barrier to honesty.

Since many of our relationships are not accustomed to the light of honesty, we need to move carefully and slowly. Because the truth does hurt, it only makes sense to handle it with care.

Be appropriate. Timing is crucial with the truth. If you need to confront your spouse, stay away from the loaded minutes when you first get home at the end of the day. A truthful conversation should be held in a private and quiet place.

Communication that holds potential for discomfort needs time and space. Don’t hurry. Don’t dole out a healthy portion of honesty on your way out the door in the morning. Don’t offer up a truth bomb as the last thing before you close your eyes for sleep and then defend your lack of discretion with, “I’m just being honest!”

Proverbs 25:11 compares “a word aptly spoken” to fine gems that have been set into gold and silver jewellery. That word of honesty will be true no matter where and when you share it. Put it in the right setting, and the result can be beautiful. Proverbs 15:23 says, “A man finds joy in giving an apt reply—and how good is a timely word!”

Build an environment of trust. Truth comes as a shock within a relationship where the norm has been denial. The resulting fallout may be devastating. Work on creating an atmosphere of acceptance and grace.

This is especially true when dealing with children. A parent who uses the truth like a sledgehammer, inflicting pain without grace, is an abuser.

Simon Cowell-type criticism without the safety produced by grace and love is rude, obnoxious, and malignant. It has no redeeming value. But, in a family where love is the main course on a consistent basis, a side dish of critique can be offered without fear of harm.

The honesty equation goes something like this: More honesty brings more intimacy—and more intimacy brings more honesty.

When you are in a friendship that is new or tentative, don’t unload truth all at once.

Set the stage for greater vulnerability later by sharing only a little now.

Perhaps Peter didn’t walk out on Jesus when Jesus called him “Satan” because by that point in their relationship, Peter knew that Jesus loved him. Did it hurt? Sure! But Peter trusted the giver of such forceful truth.

“In our desire to be an inspiration to one another we often veil what is true, because what is true is not always inspirational. But hurting believers whose lives are in tatters often need real help. If we were able to put aside our need for approval long enough to be authentic, then, surely, we would be living as the church.” Taken form Sheila Walsh book

Unpleasant truth is sometimes necessary. But our truth-telling needn’t be a slap in the face. Rather, it can be as gentle as a kiss that honours our relationships, demonstrates love, and confers value.

Learn the art of Kissing…. Truth telling….

Carry On Kissing….

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imagesAn Honest answer is like a Kiss on the lips – Kiss of friendship

We continue on our journey into honest kisses, a follow though of a blog recently called Kissing honestly – a Kingdom of God reality, I trust you enjoy

A kiss expresses love.

If I love someone, I will tell them the truth.

Love “rejoices with the truth.” When my wife leans over to me and whispers, “You need a mint,” I do not take offence. I get a mint. She has acted out of love; she has shown that she cares.   When some one passes by and say that was out of book, unkind, angry or what ever quietly, remember it is out of love.

Even when it hurts, honesty is the loving approach. In his letter to the Galatians, the Apostle Paul’s honesty is blunt and courageous. He refers to the Galatians as foolish (3:1 ), but he also uses terms of familial endearment: brothers (3:15 , 4:28 ), my dear children (4:19 ).

Paul’s honesty flowed from his love for these Christians.

My dear children, for whom I am again in the pains of childbirth until Christ is formed in you, how I wish I could be with you now and change my tone, because I am perplexed about you!

—Gal. 4:19-20

 “Perfect love drives out fear” (1 Jn. 4:18 ). When we choose love over our fear of disapproval or rejection, we cast a vote favouring intimacy and opposing shallow relationships. Bob responded graciously to my honesty and began to take appropriate action. Our friendship grew and deepened. If I ever need a wake-up call, I hope that he will risk honesty for me. That’s what love does.

A kiss shows value.

One of the reasons we are prone to lies or even not taking on the truth, is that we want to protect the self-image and egos of the people in our care. We abdicate the truth-telling to someone who is not so close, not so intimately responsible, not so bound up in the future of our loved one—let him say what needs to be said.

But should the truth come from someone who doesn’t give a whit? No, it shouldn’t.

The person we kiss is a person who is precious to us.

When we choose to tell the truth, we communicate how much we value that person.

We don’t want to hurt them, but it would hurt more if they were to progress down a path of denial and pain.

We will rescue what we value when we are honest. That’s why Prov. 27:6 says, “Wounds from a friend can be trusted.”

When we value a person, we will risk the truth.

Truth is coming….

This doesn’t mean we rush into who cares ways of telling the truth, we look at each person and situation and make a decision on how to approach it.   Through life’s experience we take note and learn the art program of “speaking the truth in love” (Eph. 4:15 ), care is needed.

An effective kiss needs to be gentle.

Honour is not bestowed by a rough, painful kiss. A kiss needs to be appropriate. An ill-timed, embarrassing kiss does not communicate love. And a kiss needs to be nestled in trust. An atmosphere of trust must be fostered before a kiss confers value. The same three guidelines apply to honesty.  Which we will look at next time

Next time along with this let us look at the Art of Honesty…

 

One…You have been invested into

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images“For this was the very end and purpose of His Incarnation, that our human nature might in His Person obtain and receive whatever it could not otherwise have obtained, and that we might be partakers both of the same nature and of the same blessings within Him…  It was necessary, therefore, that God and man should be personally united, in order that human nature might be invested with power and exalted to glory” The Orations of St. Athanasius Against the Arians

Kissing honestly – a Kingdom of God reality.

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An Honest answer is like a Kiss on the lips – Kiss of friendship

Proverbs 24:26

imagesI am amazed and shocked how much influence a man can wield…   our TV has been dominated in recent years with talent shows and competitions for all types of people and animals.   Dog trainers, singers, puppeteer, acrobats, martial arts, dancers, individuals and groups alike, all trying their best, programs such as  “….got talent”, “X factor”, “The Voice”, “Idol”, the population that view seem to be oblivious to the program’s design, its aim to be exposing of the unfortunate through flattery, its staging what will be done to get viewing figures, the ridicules along with the talented in a world where we have no failures where we are not to allow any one to fail at anything. 

The voice of one man, one judge is sought on the UK and USA programs, the opinion of the daddy of talent programs Simon Cowell, a judge, it is what all take interest in receiving.   Yet he has acquired a reputation for his severe criticism of the pop-star hopefuls, talent displays. “My attitude has always been, ‘Don’t lie to people,’” Simon says. “Kids turn up unrehearsed, wearing the wrong clothes, singing out of tune, and you can either say, ‘Good job,’ and patronize them or tell them the truth, and sometimes the truth is perceived as mean.”

The real question is, why do people even show up?

Even the untrained ear can discern that many of them can’t sing. Yet they believe with miraculous sincerity that they can make it big. What has happened here?

Someone lied. In an attempt to encourage, a parent or friend or significant other told the hopeful singer that he had the right stuff. In the name of love, someone told him that he should make a CD. Out of a desire to protect the self-image of a young person, someone lied.

Cowell acknowledges that part of his job is to close that gap: “For a lot of contestants, it’s a suspension of belief. Your family and friends say you’re pretty good—and we’re here to stop you.”

 

Before you made a fool of yourself, wouldn’t you want to be stopped? As hard as it may be to hear the truth, as difficult as it may be to accept it, wouldn’t it be more loving and kind if someone said, gently and firmly, “Don’t do this. It’s not good. I like you. I love you. But you’re not a pop star”?

Of course it would. But we’ve lost the ability to tell the truth when the truth is hard.

Proverbs 24:26 says “An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips,”  it’s not an honest answer is like a slap on the face. A kiss is something to look forward to…but honesty?

How can these two be similar?

How is a kiss comparable to an honest answer?

A kiss honours relationship.

A kiss brings us close to another and builds relationship.

Risking this type of kiss, we honour one another and our relationships.

Moses’ father-in-law, Jethro, took a big risk when he told Moses that he was taking on too much responsibility by acting as arbiter of all disputes for the people of Israel: “What you are doing is not good!” (Ex. 18:17 ).   Moses, who was not known for his patience when confronted with the truth, could easily have rejected this advice—and the advisor. However, “Moses listened to his father-in-law and did everything he said” (v. 24 ).

How many times has your wife or husband come to you honestly “I’m upset…” your children turn and say “I don’t like that…”   Often we are not excited to be told the truth about ourselves, especially when it’s contrary to our perception

We could save ourselves much hassle by letting things go.    But some times we bravely take on the task of truth telling for my sake and for the sake of better relationships in our family. Proverbs 24:3-4 says, “By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.”

    Telling the truth is interior decoration for another’s character. The risk—and the relationship—is worth it.

More thoughts on these kisses next time

Do I have a theme song – what is Gods song?

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images-7As we walk our faiths journey becoming more and more like the Christ of God, we find, on occasions, that the precise quality of our faith and journey are difficult to determine.   Many of our experiences are subjective and therefore difficult to pass on to others, as they pertain to my own personal walk,  we can even create a sense of lack in others if they are led to feel unable to enter into these experiences that our worlds are often filled with.

However we have many life stories and recording of experiences of men and women, who have displayed their closeness to the Father which in no doubt become a provocation on our journeys.

Our lives must have these signs and helps to those who w ear still to encourage in their walk towards God.    One of these constant experiences outlined by the saints gone by,  is to sing of mercy and to be redesigned by judgments, these to would appear to most Christians a suitable expression of their feelings.   David seems to express in a review of his life that both mercy and judgements are proper grounds for praise and thanksgiving, along with the determination given by the Holy Spirit  to praise God for them.

Psalm 101:1 has in its opening lines this declaration “My theme song is God’s love and justice…” this  started me thinking down a number of avenues, the first being, what is my theme song?

is it of the Fathers love, the magnificent justice of a creator that has the ability to rule in my life?

A theme in my view captures a life, it sums up a whole life, it’s the overarching bias and constant experience of a life.   I wonder what theme my life has caught or is under girded with?

The phrase theme song or may be, more popularly said, a signature tune may be used to refer to a song that has become especially associated with a particular performer or dignitary; often used as they make an entrance. Examples of this association include: the President of the United States with “Hail to the Chief”; the Queen with our national anthem, a song or tune directly associated with a person.   The purpose of the music is to connect a person with some truth, aspect of their lives or their status in life then.  It  is also used to establish a mood for an event or show.   In terms of a show I it provides an audible cue that a particular show is beginning, the lyrics of the theme song provide some necessary exposition for people unfamiliar with the show or event.

So what is your theme song?    What does your life sing of?    What song will be associated to you and used to herald your entrance.   Will it be a positive of negative theme, are we those who are looking to communicate the great love of God, or the challenge of the walk, being near to depression with  the weight of responsibility?    What theme proceeds us as we enter a room, live life, is there a running and hiding from us?  a people saying o here comes pressure?   On the other hand it could be such a theme of overwhelming joy that all want to be in your company, for the theme to rub off?    The mood we create by the theme of our inner life?

Before you go away thinking well I do not create a mood, I wanted this simple opening stanza to assist us in realising how we can change the theme of our song, to create an opening and heralding an arrival that all would wish to create.    Rather than give up, consider what your inner life dwells upon.

“My theme song is God’s love and justice”  the song that I should take hold of inside and allow to be the song that precedes me, is the love of God,  being overwhelmed,  revelling in his love for me, never mind how unlovely I see me, He loves me unreservedly.   This is the beginning of the rewriting of my inner theme, allowing  the nature and theme of God’s Love and justice to be my constant thought of him.

The dealings of the Father with us as his people, display the wisdom and goodness of God.

Consider the mix of these two foundations for a theme song, love and justice, mercy and judgments.   Mercies, if unmixed, would “exalt us above measure;” and judgments, if unmixed, would sink us into despondency. A ship needs both sails and ballast, to carry it forward in safety: and so the Christian needs a diversity, in order to accomplish in them the purposes of God’s grace. God sends them to his people to

–       Form them into the divine image. So that the perfection of a Christian consists not in one grace, or even in one set of graces, but in a combination of all the graces which are suited to a redeemed soul, and calculated to advance the honour of our God.

–       Stimulate them on their way to glory.    Mercies have a tendency to fill the soul with love to God, and to make it pant for the full enjoyment of God in heaven. Judgments also operate to the same end, by weaning the soul from present things, and causing it to long for that rest which is in Christ

The saints in every age have acknowledged the goodness of God in them

Now let me ask again “What theme song do you have?”    Bathe your mind and heart in his love and mercy revel in his judgments and justice so that our theme can be as one song sung in heaven!